LyricS

Dearest Sarah, I am compelled to write with aching fearful hands
Just in case I never make it back
I left our family weeks ago for battle-stricken lands
And I fear I won’t survive the next attack

I fled Rhode Island willingly to join the Union force
Understanding I may never know my boys
But this country’s strength of government is in a great divorce
And for this I risk my life and all its joys

Oh Sarah, I do understand within my sacrifice
Goes nearly every joy for you as well
But I hope you sense within my words, I thought about it twice
Our nation casts a thick momentous spell

Oh Sarah, start a life without me
Raise our boys to gentlemen
Thrive until the day you pass away and we can meet again
Understand my inner fight, I didn’t choose the war
I sided with democracy, yes that is what I’m dying for
Oh Sarah, my love for you is deathless
Oh Sarah, my love for you is deathless

Growing up without my father weighed heavy on my brain
And I dread this makes my children dance that waltz
And I’m sure at times your trust was breached and your love for me did wane
But I ask you to forgive me for these faults

And I can’t express the irony of the peaceful summer breeze
Dusting my battalion as they rest
Because within this evening’s warmness lies an darkened icy freeze
That whispered me to send you this request

Oh Sarah, start a life without me
Raise our boys to gentlemen
Thrive until the day you pass away and we can meet again
Understand my inner fight, I didn’t choose the war
I sided with democracy, yes that is what I’m dying for
Oh Sarah, but my love for you is deathless
Oh Sarah, it’s deathless

I am one of hundred thousand paying all that we can pay
Standing for an object we can’t see
Now raise our children proudly to be gracious for each day
And remind them of the reasons they are free

If it’s true the dead can drift unseen around the loves they had
Then I will be the wind upon your cheek
And the darkest moments in your life will never be so bad
Because I will be your strength when you are weak

Oh Sarah, start a life without me
Raise our boys to gentlemen
Thrive until the day you pass away and we can meet again
Understand my inner fight, I didn’t choose the war
I sided with democracy, yes that is what I’m dying for
Oh Sarah, but my love for you is deathless
Oh Sarah, my love for you is deathless
Oh Sarah, my love for you is deathless
Oh Sarah, my love for you is deathless

c. 2014 Goodnight, Texas - Seriously Serious Songs (ASCAP) / Porch Couch Songs (ASCAP)

Appears on the 2014 album “Uncle John Farquhar”
Recorded by Goodnight, Texas
Mixed by Scott McDowell
Mastered by Jonathan Kirchner

Based on Sullivan Ballou’s letter home to his wife before the Battle of Bull Run in the US Civil War in July 1861. He did not survive the battle. (Text of letter is below - scroll down)

The Text of Sullivan Ballou’s Letter

14 July 1861 
Camp Clark, Washington [D.C.]

My very dear Sarah:

The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days -- perhaps tomorrow.   Lest I should not be able to write again, I feel impelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more.... 

I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter.   I know how strongly American civilization now leans on the triumph of the Government, and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and sufferings of the Revolution.   And I am willing -- perfectly willing -- to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt.... 

Sarah my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break;  and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me unresistibly on with all these chains to the battle field. 

The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them so long.   And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when, God willing, we might still have lived and loved together, and seen our sons grown up to honorable manhood, around us.   I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me -- perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my litle Edgar, that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed.   If I do not my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battle field, it will whisper your name.   Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you.   How thoughtless and foolish I have often times been!   How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness.... 

But, O Sarah!   if the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you;  in the gladdest days and in the darkest nights . . .  always, always, and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath, as the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.   Sarah do not mourn me dead;  think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again.... 

-Sullivan